Lovers and Fighters | Section 22

A man who is a counter example of patriarchal masculinity in terms of status and success

Joseph f Gordon Levitt

Joseph Gordon Levitt is my favorite person in the world. He is one of the most well rounded actors and potentially people in all of Hollywood. He has starred in so many roles that he is literally a 180 to the stereotypical male celebrity. My favorite thing I think he’s ever done is his beautiful portrayal of Neil McCormick’gay hustler suffering from past of childhood sexual and violent abuse from “Mysterious Skin” or his role in “500 Days of Summer” as hopeless romantic Tom Hansen. His versatility in his career makes him a catch. Now I know what your saying, he’s an actor, he gets paid to act like that and it could have nothing to do with his real personality… but that’s where you’re wrong. The mere fact that he picked those roles shows that he has no shame being pinned as one them, not only that but it definitely gives us insight into his persona. He is definitely one of the most well rounded actors in Hollywood with his flamboyance and charm.

He has been active in the acting world since he was just a little bean; at the age of 4 he played the Scarecrow in a production of The Wizard of Oz. He also did commercial such an adorable pop tart, commercials for Sunny Jim peanut butter and more. His roles include 1992’s “Beethoven”,1998’s “Sweet Jane”,the notable 1999 “10 Things I Hate About You” as well as his role in “Manic” as Lyle, a young boy placed in a medical institution from his mental health issues. His later roles like Don Jon, a porn addict with a unsatisfying sex life. His ability to take on any role is the main reason why I believe he perfect fits the mold or in this case doesn’t fit the mold of patriarchal masculinity. He has played characters that represent the internal conflicts most men keep concealed. He’s dabbled with characters that deal with PTSD, mental health issues, child sexual abuse, the prejudices associated with homosexuality, cancer, rejection, pain, sadness, joy, you name it he’s done it. He really is a shoo in of it all. He is 🥺married to Tasha Mcauley and two beautiful boys.

Overall he’s just an amazing person… his effervescent aurora makes him oh so dreamy and on top that he’s kinda cute. Anywhosies… it’s important that we highlight and celebrate people who express themselves with so much openness and self respect that other people’s opinions don’t actually matter anymore. Not only has he inspired me to be more open and free about self, my personality, my sexuality, etc, he’s also shed a light in a topic that has been shunned in the past, the topic of, that I mentioned in my previous post, that masculinity and femininity are like two sides of the same coin… they are intertwined within each other… there is honestly no such thing as being a man or being a women…. that in the end their is simply being human… and that belongs to every individual who roams the earth.

He identifies as a feminist and thanks his mother for making him the fabulous man he is today. He uses his talent and kindness to achieve his status.

Now despite my overly obvious infatuation with the man I present to you today… he obviously has his shortcomings… but like… isn’t that so human.

Xoxo, Izy Ewart

Stay gorgeous 💋

Since the beginning of time till now, it is mostly known that men have always had the upper hand in most of life’s aspects, but is that always the case?

 In the documentary of “The mask you live in in” it focuses on the way we are portrayed as men in society and how it is much more difficult to be a man than expected. The movie showed a wide range of the troubles faced by boys and men as they try to navigate the realm of masculinity. For us, it should be within our knowledge that to be accepted and looked at in this society is to be a man who doesn’t cry, can’t show emotions, to always be angry and get in fights, to drink, to smoke and to be “attractive” and on top of all that be good looking. You don’t have the right to speak up if you’re sad, scared, or if someone hurt us because we should always know how to manage ourselves.

To add some spices, in the world of movies and series, they always idealize men in an extremely unrealistic manner, like they are always strong and always be successful and live the “thug life”. When in reality it is very rare to find men like these and maybe even impossible.

Throughout The film, we start to learn what is true definition of being a man in this unperfect world and what are the different elements that affect us to make us who we are. One of these stood out most to me which is the role of fathers in our lives and how they have a huge impact in our own personalities. It is they who teach us who we should be as man, yes our mothers have a role but not in the matter of masculinity and all that I have mentioned above.

For example, it is has been showed that most boys that have grew up without a father tend to be either very abusive and controlling or the other way round which is super soft and very insecure. And neither of those are good to someone’s life. But most that grew up with a healthy family and have a good relationship with their dad are more mature and have their life balanced. In conclusion, I think that there should be at least one father figure in your life like your older brother, your grandfather, your uncle, or even your older friend that you can at least talk with about your feelings and anything you want to talk about.

Another aspect they showed in the movie is the impact of videogames in our lives, and how most of them include a lot of violence in which may result in making us more aggressive and may result in getting addicted to them. In my personal opinion, the violence in these games don’t affect a person who has a normal healthy mind negatively nor positively, the only people who may get affected are the ones who already have something in their mind that isn’t right. Addiction to videogames is also true, but if you are just a regular gamer, I don’t see that it is necessarily bad because playing video games is a form of getting your energy out and get distracted from this world, which is way better than smoking or drinking in every way.

In the end I think that society is slowly opening up to the idea that no one is perfect and that we shouldn’t judge a book by its cover. It may take a long time, but it is nice seeing that the world is still fighting for everyone’s rights and hope is not over for such topics.

After watching the documentary, the first aspect that intrigued me was when they showed studies on how boys express their depression through aggrevation and by being more frustrated at external things. This contradicts how girls cope with depression as they tend to be more quiet and prefer to be alone. Boys have trouble dealing with their emotions and coping with their feelings that include sadness or stress. Girls are seen as more emotional and sensitive than boys, which is why a girl crying is more common than seeing a boy crying. “Boys believe it is not normal to cry after 10” was a quote which stood out to me as it shows how even as a young child, boys are told to be tough and to not cry in situations when crying would be the best release and coping mechanism. They’re told to be tough and to not be emotional, which is why they tend to turn to anger and violence to release their hurting inside. 

The second aspect in the documentary which stood out to me was when they spoke about a man that shot someone 6 times, making this moment the only time he felt true power. He did this because he felt peer pressured into doing so to fit in, and his peers told him that he wouldnt be tough if he didnt do it. This part shows how friends and those you surround yourself with greatly impact your daily life and your motives.

In Carlos Andreas Gomez’s book, he speaks on a boy’s life experience while trying to find himself and his sexuality. He speaks on different cultures and how some things in different countries are more common than others. For example, holding hands in Zambia is considered normal, however if two people were to hold hands in America, they would be seen as being gay or in a relationship. This part stood out to me because it shows how a simple action of touching hands can be seen as two completely different things depending on the region or country.

Be strong, be tough, be cold, be rich, be muscular, be sportive… Be a man. Those words, boys are continually told growing up shape the men that form today’s society. In the documentary “the mask you live in”, many statistics are unveiled to showcase the problems that boys and men have to face in our society. One of those statistics describes that 50% of boys are physically abused throughout their lives. This statistic really surprised me because in today’s world in which, yes, abuse is still a taboo subject, but also in which people are becoming a lot more open about their experiences with this horrible word, boys are a bit left out of the subject. Don’t get me wrong, In this world every kind of abuse is terribly wrong and horrible, but for me this issue facing boys was less heard of than other groups. In this documentary we are also told that rapists in our society don’t surge out of nowhere, they are created by our own society, our own rape culture. This really jumped at me and made me think that it is because of everything we teach boys, all those words that they are continually told growing up, all those things they are told to be and not to be. All of this creates a sort of hatred embedded deep down in people’s personality, hatred that they have to hide beneath a mask, hatred that creates this rape culture. 

       We can contrast those two pieces of information to the book written by Carlos Andres Gomez, especially the part where he talks about his time in Zambia and how the men there have a completely different way of interacting with one another, a way that, we, men from western societies are not familiar with. We can contrast this part from his book with what is told in the documentary to better understand Carlos’ experiences in Zambia. For a man that comes from this overly masculine society, from this culture where boys shout names at each other to prove to one another who is the manliest, in this world where men are not allowed to engage in any physical act of friendship in the fear of being called a “faggot”. For a man from this world, we can understand that Zambia was an incredible eye-opening experience.

The story about Carlos has the same message as the documentary that we watched in class: let’s teach our boys that being a man means being human. And as a human being you are allowed to cry, you’re allowed to love and be loved, You have the right to communicate your desires, your wants and your needs within all spheres of life without anyone reprimanding you or making you feel like crap; and if someone does, it had more to do with them than it ever will with you. In the story, Theres a passage that I adore; By buying into the illusion of power afforded by patriarchy, we as heterosexual men do far more than just oppress women and gay men – ultimately we are oppressing ourselves. A lot of guys I know feel the need to choose between being a man and being human but what they fail to realize is that the mold we as a society have crafted for them isn’t that of man, it’s an empty soulless shell that turns into a prison once you enter. Any sign of resistance shut down and silenced. That’s when boys start to devalue their desires, wants and needs. They develop a sense that being feared is more beneficial than being loved. Fear and power go hand in hand, life then turns into a competition, the winner takes it all. But if you constantly have to prove yourself, do you ever actually win? We have to start teaching our children that they loved unconditionally, we have to start telling our friends, our partners that they are loved unconditionally. You know, it’s not the lack of emotions, it’s the lack of emotional support. The documentary mentions that these boys have some much pain bottled up within them and that it’s so emotionally draining constantly having to take care of everything by themselves. Some of the boys have friends they consider outlets for those emotions and that they have a sense of relief knowing that someone is there for them. But a lot of these boys our lone soldiers in the never ending battle of ironic patriarchy. The terms masculine and feminine our quiet literally mirror images of each other, two sides of the same coin;) yet today we’ve stamped them as two different entities. This drives us to believe that there is only one way to be a man, which is completely false. So it’s time we change the narrative of man up. And remember, you’re gorgeous💋

“Men want a battle to fight, an adventure to live, and a beauty to rescue. That is what is written in their hearts. That is what little boys play at. That is what men’s movies are about. You just see it. It is undeniable.” John Eldredge

In the documentary “The Mask You Live In ” , men were illustrated as being weak , having emotions and the right to express themselves crying unlike society stereotypes which are that men should have no emotions using violence to solve problems and being dominant .

The 2 aspects of research that really jumped out at me and illustrate the results of society stereotypes pressure on boys and men are: 1. Everyday three or more boys commit suicide and 2. 93% of boys are exposed to internet porn .

These 2 aspects got my attention because I think that boys’ everyday suicide is a real problem caused by society traits and stereotypes towards boys that even from young age parents , schools and other social networks tend to trait young boys as men teaching them that you have to hide your emotions ( no crying especially in front of girls) , you are strong, you have to use your power to fight . This leads boys to overthink about their masculinity and how to prove it to not be ignored or bullied by other boys and all these things lead boys to commit suicide to give away their masculinity

It shocked me that 93% of boys are exposed to internet porn, this mean that boys are misusing the technology they were exposed to , and this is very dangerous because this is a harmful way to prove a boy’s masculinity and boys tend to do this as part of their attempts to discover themselves and this simply means that a full generation and society is at risk of losing themselves to prove their masculinity.

And to link the findings of this documentary with Carlos Andres Gomez book , the part which really got my attention from this book is , when he realized that he is homophobic even if he was behaving and thinking about himself like a gay , and the documentary helped me understand this view when saying that masculinity is about physical appearance and the thoughts about one’s self as a man influenced by society , that yes sometimes men behave and dress like women but sometimes this is a result of society traits and stereotypes .

Finally , “Being a male is a matter of birth. Being a man is a matter of choice.” — Edwin Louis Cole

Miryam Sioufi

I found that the way men want to be open about their feelings to their friends, but they are afraid of being judged. But the fact that almost every single guy is thinking this, their attitude towards sharing their feelings is what is stopping them from getting what they want. This is especially so because they always add “no homo” when they do something that expresses their emotions (that aren’t anger or rudeness). Another point I found interesting in the documentary was how they relate all this avoidance to their misogyny and homophobia. Since women and homosexuals are people who express their feelings a lot more than men, men are in fact denouncing these people in their avoidance of expressing sentiment. I think these points caught my attention because I had never thought that men would actually want to express emotion since I thought, if they wanted to, they would. However, now I know that it is a social stigma if they do, and that’s why they don’t, even if they want to. I also did not relate this fact to the looking down on women and homosexual people, which I now find very understandable.

A part of the book that caught my attention was when Carlos found himself kissing his friend in his sleep as he was dreaming of his ex girlfriend. This documentary helps me better understand his experience since the documentary showed me that even saying kind words to your friend could be seen as gay, let alone any type of physical contact. This shows that Carlos’ friend, as described in the book, was a really great person and a great man who broke free of these norms. Carlos’ friend asked him after the fact if he wanted to talk about anything, saying he was open to whatever Carlos’ sexuality was, instead of immediately getting away from him.