Violence in schools is something that everyone is aware of but not something many people talk about. It is often covered up by school boards to prevent a “bad reputation” for the school in which it occurs. Boys are more likely to perform acts of violence as well as be targeted by them. 41% of boys have been physically assaulted in high school  (Mcguire 2019) and this is not a coincidence. Many factors contribute to the fact that boys are much more involved in school violence than their female peers.

In North American society, boys learn to fit into stereotypes of masculinity based on the male figures around them. They follow “rules” of which characteristics they should have such as strength, independence, and hard work ethic (Kilmartin 2). This is necessary for them to feel accepted by their peers. Boys feel lots of pressure to fit into these characteristics and the pressure can lead them to act violently either due to repressed anger from not expressing their emotions in a healthy manner, or they can be the targets of violent acts if they do not fit into the boxes set up for them by society. Boy’s relationships with their friends promote emotionlessness and their feelings are often displayed through violence and insults (Kilmartin 169). These social norms carry on in life and men are likely to act with violence and lack of emotion regardless of who they are with.

The concept of masculinity in our society depends greatly on homophobia. Homophobia is not about the fear of gay men, but rather a man’s fear that another man will emasculate him (Kimmel 147). Throwing around homophobic slurs and acting as if you are tougher than everyone else is a part of boys need to be seen as masculine. With this comes bullying and the hierarchy of teenage boys showing off their toughness. Boys bully those who they do not deem to be manly. They exclude girls, homosexuals, people of other cultures with different definitions of manliness, and anyone who does not exude masculinity at all times (Kimmel 150). They will avoid waring clothes that look too “girly”, walking in a way that looks too “gay”, and avoid talking about how they feel completely so they are not seen as a feminine person. Sometimes this exclusion turns into violent hateful acts towards these people, all because of what boys think it is to be “a real man”.

There are not only acts of physical violence in high schools, but acts of sexual assault as well. Kimmel has stated that “What it means to be a man is to be unlike a woman” (2). Men distance themselves so much from their femininity, that they start to belive women to be lesser than them. This sometimes evolves into boys bullying girls, men oppressing women, and overall the idea that men are stronger and smarter and better than women just because of the characteristics they display. Men will often explicitly show interest in women to prove to others that they aren’t gay (Kimmel 148), and sometimes they take this a step farther. To prove that they are powerful and can get what they want, while proving that they are interested in women, some men will force women to participate in sexual activities without her consent. While most cases in schools are of sexual harassment such as catcalling and asking for or sending nude pictures, there are far too many cases of sexual assault. 26% of girls have said they experienced unwanted sexual contact while in school (Mcguire 2019). If boys were brought up knowing that they can express their feminine side and that femininity is not something to be ashamed of, there would be far less unfortunate cases happening in high schools.

Saying “boys will be boys” is not enough to repair the men entering society with twisted beliefs and poor mental health. The things they learn about masculinity and how to be a “real man”, harm not just themselves, but their peers, friends, and family. Teaching boys ways in which to healthily express their emotions could tremendously decrease the amount of violence present in our schools as well as in society in general.

Works Cited:

Kilmartin. “Defining Men’s Studies.”

Kilmartin. “No Man is an Island: Men in Relationships”

Kimmel. “Masculinity”

Kimmel, Michael S. “Masculinity as Homophobia.” 1994, pp. 147–151., doi:10.4135/9781452243627.n7.

Mcguire, Jennifer. “Why CBC Started Looking into Violence in Schools.” CBC, 2019, http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/school-violence-editors-note-1.5331402.

During the first International Women’s week presentation we saw, I have learned that indigenous men were taught how to abuse their women by European colonizers. This violent and aggressive characteristic is demonstrated in Kilmartin’s definition of “adventurous and aggressive” men. There were more examples of these aggressive men when the protests happening in the Wet’suwet’en territory. Men are ripping down the red dresses hung for murdered and missing indigenous women as well as arresting indigenous people who are non-violently defending their territory. As stated in the text, these men are “taking risks” and “becoming violent if necessary”.

From the second presentation we viewed I learned that Muslim women often are oppressed for their beliefs as many misinformed people are under the impression that Muslim women are dependant and submissive to men. In reality, these women are independent and choose to wear a hijab for their faith; they are not being forced to perform any religious acts. Our society is still one that views a wife as her husbands possession in many cases. Many men feel that they must have a wife or girlfriend to prove that they are not gay as there is a strong sense of homophobia amongst men today. They also feel that they must dominate these wives as they are worried about seeming feminine. This means that the assumption that Muslim women obey their husbands orders is rooted in the beliefs of our society.

Overall, these presentations have taught me that women are still viewed as lesser in many cases in our society and we must work toward improving this. As is stated in Kilmartin’s men in relationships, men feel more comfortable expressing their feelings and thoughts to female friends as they are less afraid that they will be judged for it. This insinuates that men still believe that women take on the role of caregivers and nurturers which can lead to the idea that women are inferior to men. Whether it be because they are not as physically strong in some cases or that they are not as intense and aggressive. This relates to the presentation in that all the women in these cases have been treated as lesser than man and it is not their fault. It is the fault of our society.

For this interview I chose my best male friend who I have known for about 10 years. We are very close and I know he is able to be open with me but I wanted to ask him questions about his best male friend to compare.

Why are you close to you friend?

We’ve known each other a long time, he’s the friend I’ve had for the longest.

What kinds of things do you like to do together?

We play video games, hang out, build legos, go on drives and talk about cars.

Have you ever told your friend how much he means to you?

Yeah, the last message I sent him was telling him that I miss him. When I tell him how much he means to me he usually tells me he loves me back.

Are you able to be more vulnerable with your male or female friends? Why?

Female, my male friends have toxic masculinity and it makes it harder for me to be open with them.

The answers he has given me for the activities they do together relate to Kilmartins article in that they are what he described as “stereotypically masculine activities such as talking about sports, playing video games and “bar games”. Him and his friend talk about cars (racing and the sport of it) as well as play video games.

Another thing that relates to the article is that my friend stated that he is more vulnerable with his female friends than his male friends. Kilmartin said “both men and women tend to trust women more than men.” My friend demonstrates that this is true.

One thing that did not relate to the article is that him and his friend are able to tell each other that they love each other which is not frequent in men unless they are drunk.

It is mentioned on the third page of “Masculinity” by Michael Kimmel that “institutions accomplish the creation of gender difference and the reproduction of gender order through several gendered processes.” By stating this he is explaining that the various institutions in our society have expectations based on a persons gender. These differences vary from having boys and girls stand in different lines in elementary school to separating men and women in prisons and treating them differently. This statement relates to the fourth episode of “Man Enough” when they were discussing how boys are expected to enjoy and be good at sports which puts extra pressure on them should they not fit into that box.

On the fourth page of Kimmel’s article, he states that “understanding how we do masculinities…opens up the unimaginable possibilities of social change.” The use of the word “masculinities” in this quote describes the immeasurable multitude of possible definitions for male gender norms, per culture, and social standing within ones culture, etc. The use of this term is preferable as it encompasses all definitions of masculinity rather than just one. And, reminds the fact that masculinity is an arbitrary adjective withheld only by a culture’s respective construction of reality. In “Man Enough” they discuss how important it is for North American society to stop imposing limiting social norms ruled by gender. These limiting expectations cause many issues for all members of society as they enforce things such as rape culture, toxic masculinity and reinforce bad mental health practices amongst men and boys.

Ed Sheeran is a singer-songwriter born on February 17th 1991 in the United Kingdom and is known for songs such as “Shape of you” and “thinking out loud” Ed gained popularity on Youtube and released his debut album + in September 2011. His second album, x became the second best selling album worldwide in 2015. Ed is one of the world’s best selling music artists having sold over 150 million records and having two albums in the list of best-selling albums in UK chart history.

Ed is a good counter argument for men being adventurous and aggressive as he does not demonstrate typical aggressive characteristics and is a very kind and gentle person. Ed is from a catholic family and sang in his local church choir from the age of four. He keeps his personal life private and is completely inactive on social media when he is working on new music. He does not try to flaunt his fame and does not make aggressive music. His goal is just to spend time with the people he loves and play music that puts a smile on people faces while remaining humble.

The textbook describes masculinity as “a willingness to take (physical) risks and become violent if necessary”. Ed is the opposite of this as he has never been a violent person. He always stays humble and genuine during interviews and does not yell at paparazzi. His songs are most often calm and about love. He des not write about violence nor act in such a way. For these reasons I believe him to be a good example against aggressive and adventurous masculinity.

References

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ed_Sheeran

https://www.quora.com/How-is-Ed-Sheeran-in-person

One of the aspects from the documentary that stood out to me is how men are 7x more likely to commit suicide than women. It is senseless how we have these statistics that prove our society is not raising boys to be well-rounded adults yet nothing changes. Outdated ideas of masculinity should not be more important than the wellbeing and safety of our children. Another thing that I noticed was how the boys would be kicked out of their friend groups if they were to break the rules. Kids should be allowed to play how they want and with who they want. Enforcing the idea that femininity is a bad thing encourages rape culture and pressures boys to repress their emotions and change ignore the things they enjoy. This puts far too much pressure on young men and forces them to bottle up things they should be letting out.

Something that stood out to me from Carlos Andres Gomez‘s book was how he reacted to men showing each other affection in Zambia. The fact that men holding hands as friends was weird and uncomfortable to him demonstrates how being caring and emotional are not values that our society encourages for men. The story and documentary have shown me that men are encouraged to rid themselves of what makes them human, but in doing so they are repressing feelings that need to be let out which is leading to an excess of violence and mental illness in our society.

A man I have found inspiring since childhood is Brendon Urie from the band Panic! At the Disco. He is the only remaining member of the band but continues to release music as Panic!. He joined the band which was founded by his friends while he was still in high school even though he did not have the support of his parents. They kicked him out of the house when he dropped out of school to focus on the band. The first album released after the departure of all other members of the band was written entirely by him and all the instruments were played by him other than the horns. The album was a tribute to him running from instrument to instrument in his garage, trying to figure out songs he’d heard on the radio. One story I find very inspirational is that of the bands first Reading festival. People were not very supportive of the band at first because they did not deem them “punk” enough. Due to this, someone threw a bottle at Brendon’s head, knocking him unconscious. When Brendon woke up he immediately told his band mates to get back on stage and keep performing. This got the band more respect from the punk rock community and their following shows have mostly all been successful. Brendon demonstrates perseverance and dedication and for this I find him inspiring.

My favourite food is poutine. 🥔🧀