I’ve noticed from my school experience that more violence is visible during high school years. As boys become men, the display of power and domination is almost inevitable. Teenagers come to develop the “manbox” characteristic: aggressiveness (Kilmartin 6). It exists between boys but also between boys and girls. The difficulty in boys’ relationships with girls sometimes intensifies in the form of sexual harassment or assault. Acts of domination are shown on the weak or the “different” that are predominantly the easiest targets. If you happen to have red hair, dark skin, are too fat or too skinny or have any other “special characteristic”, bullying is not very far. In fact, bullying is “a pattern of repeated aggressive behavior with negative intent, directed from one youth to another where there is a power imbalance” (Canadian Safe School Network). Let’s explore what the Marketplace investigations reveal about such violence in schools and how their research backs up the results.

The team at Marketplace investigated students harming others physically and emotionally. Those kids often don’t tell authorities what they are going through; close to 50 per cent of high school students don’t report what they witness or experience. They discovered that for cases that were reported, school boards across Canada didn’t precisely document information, avoiding them to structure solutions to this terrible situation. With the help of specialists, Marketplace conducted an independent survey on students who’d experienced homophobic or racial insults as well as physical or sexual assaults. It included 4,000 youngsters in their school years from elementary to high school or CEGEP. “The results are stark: 41 per cent of boys say they were physically assaulted at high school; 26 per cent of girls say they experienced unwanted sexual contact at school; and one in four students first experienced sexual harassment or assault before Grade 7.” Furthermore, more than one in seven girls reveal being sexually assaulted by another student.

Boys aren’t likely to express emotions with their male friends. It’s understood at a young age that behaving in an inconsistent gender way are most likely to be rejected by their friends (Kilmartin and Smiler 168). The objective is to control the fear of any possible humiliation. Men structure their lives around relationships and access to power making sure manhood is equated with power over other men and women. The “typical masculinity” is once again revealed in this Marketplace survey. Men showing power, domination and their difficulty in their relationships with women. It goes back to the hegemonic masculinity concept popularized by R.W. Connell; certain practices guarantee the dominant social position of men, and the subordinate social position of women (Connel 183).

Watching Marketplace’s investigation once again brings to light the potential dominant nature of boys in their relationships with other boys and girls. We must do our best to teach boys that violence is not an option in our society; it only brings pain, anger and suffering. All together, let’s transform that into happiness, understanding and compassion!

REFERENCES

Kilmartin, Christopher, and Andrew P. Smiler. “Defining Men’s Studies.” The Masculine Self, Sloan Publishing (2019): 1–7.

“About Bullying.” Canadian Safe School Network, https://cssn.me/about-bullying. Accessed 12 Apr. 2020.

Why CBC Started Looking into Violence in Schools | CBC News. https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/school-violence-editors-note-1.5331402. Accessed 12 Apr. 2020.

Kilmartin, Christopher, and Andrew P. Smiler. “No Man Is an Island: Men in Relationships.” The Masculine Self, Sloan Publishing (2019): 161–171.

Connel, Robert W. “Gender and power.” Society, The Person and Sexual Politics, California (1987).

International Women’s Week sought to raise awareness of the obstacles than many women around the world face on a recurring basis. Vanier College organised several presentations relating to many different issues stemming from this subject. Two such presentations will be discussed in this post: Living in the Shadow of Law 21, and Climate Change, Pipelines, and Violence against Women.

Climate Change, Pipelines, and Violence against Women

During the first presentation, we learned about the struggles that Indigenous people face when pipeline projects are built on their native territories.

Firstly, the pipelines create tremendous environmental deterioration, due to their construction and occasional leaks. Many First Peoples value nature as being very important to them and seek to protect it; these projects can therefore be very culturally destructive.

Secondly, it was mentioned that, during the construction and maintenance of these projects, many female Natives get raped by male workers of oil companies, in so-called “man camps”. This can be explained by Kilmartin’s classification of some men as being “aggressive and adventurous”, resorting to violence to assert their masculinity if need be.

Finally, it came to our attention that climate change affects women heavily, more so than men.

Living in the Shadow of Law 21

During the next presentation, we explored the lives of two Muslim women, Nadia Naqvi and Laïty Fary Ndiaye, who have been facing difficulties in the wake of Bill 21, a bill seeking to affirm the laicity of the State by prohibiting certain individuals from wearing religious symbols in jobs considered to be in position of authority.

First of all, the speakers believed that the law encourages hostility towards Muslims. Nadia Naqvi, for instance, affirmed that the bill can reanimate feelings and instances of islamophobia, which escalated drastically after 9/11.

Furthermore, they suggested that the law particularly impacts Muslim women, due to the impossibility to hide a hijab, contrary to other religious symbols than can be hidden.

Thirdly, the speakers mentioned that the bill can hurt the teaching profession. Since Quebec already has a lack of teachers, this law can add to the lack of workers in this professional field.

Finally, the presenters asserted that young students do not see religion, they see the teacher.

I interviewed my uncle about his relationship with his best friend. These were his answers as well as references to Chapter Eight, No Man is an Island: Men in Relationships (in italic):

• Why are you close to your friend?

I’m close to my friend because of all the years that we’ve been together in our relationship. We shared a lot of good and bad moments during that long period, from going to school with him at an earlier age to being close to his family as an adult. Through time, we shared similar experiences and activities together. Although we have several differences, we still have similar values that bond us together. We also know that we can always count on one another and trust each other.

-As per Garfield and Way’s studies, trustworthiness in a relationship between male friends is an essential quality. It’s determined by the ability to keep secrets and to respect your friend. Niobe Way confirms in her research (2011), that the most important attributes of a male friend are: to be there and to stand up for you and to be able to be trusted with your deepest secrets.

• What kinds of things do you like to do together?

We practice several sports together, but mainly tennis and golf. We go to movies and restaurants on a regular basis. Our monthly breakfast, is the most regular and important event, shared with another close friend, to catch-up on numerous subjects (family, sports, politics, etc.). In a quieter atmosphere, early in the morning, it’s easier to talk freely.

-As mentioned, immediately at the beginning of chapter eight, men (in the US) focus more on doing things together and tend to be emotionally shallow. Further in the text, it’s mentioned that male groups will more likely exchange turn-taking monologues and be telling stories than sharing emotional discussions. It’s therefore representative of the information obtained in my interview.

• Have you ever told your friend how much he means to you? If so, what did you say and how did he react? If you have never told him how much he means to you, why not?

I never really told my friend precisely how much he means to me because he’s more of a closed person, he doesn’t really want to talk about his emotions. We’re happy to spend time together so it’s more of a non-verbal appreciation of each other. I believe that you can exchange differently with various friends, meaning that some subjects can be addressed with one person and other topics with another friend.

-As explained in ‘’Men in Relationships’’, men aren’t likely to express emotions with their male friends. It’s understood at a young age that boys that behave in an inconsistent gender way are most likely to be rejected by their friends (Carver, Egan & Perry, 2004). As far as more intimate and emotional discussions, Diekman and Steinberg studies (2016) conclude that both men and women tend to trust women more than men. So, as boys become men, they will open up later on in life with their women friends (in an intimate relationship).

In Michael Kimmel’s publication on the study of masculinity for the International Encyclopedia of the Social Sciences, he affirms his belief that institutions create gender differences. What Kimmel means by this statement is that employers in various institutions often expect behaviors that can gender the employee automatically as a man, such as not having family responsibilities and having single-minded devotion to their job. He goes on to mention the view of sociologist Joan Acker, who considers that this structuring of the workplace can leave room for inequality between men and women. This might explain why, in Man Enough Episode 4 – #MeToo, entrepreneur Karen Alston was pressured into being in a relationship with her boss in exchange for a promotion.     

Kimmel also comments that: “Understanding how we do masculinities […] opens up the unimaginable possibilities of social change.” He pluralizes masculinity because he believes that the variations of gender are so large across different cultures that we cannot speak of only one type of masculinity. He states that that gender ought to be viewed as a continuously changing aggregation of meanings and behaviors; therefore masculinities is more fitting. In the fourth episode of Man Enough, many of the men discuss that they live their masculinity differently. For instance, entrepreneur and former professional athlete Lewis Howes mentions how his behavior is often not seen as being masculine by those around him. He is an affectionate man who establishes physical contact with others and likes to give hugs. He recalls the time he put his hand on his friend’s shoulder, but was stopped and was told: ”Don’t be gay.” Additionally, it could be said that this whole episode displays a behavior that is often not attributed to manliness: sitting around a table and talking about your worries and life experiences!   

When we think of men, we often think of inexpressiveness and independence (Brannon, David, 1976). Once such movie character that embodies this idea is James Bond. He never needs or seeks help from others, but solves his problems all by himself. Also, when he is put under extreme pressure, he still manages to stay in control, without cracking or showing emotions.

One movie character that shows the opposite behavior of James Bond is Spencer from Jumanji. He is not confident and depends heavily on his friends to solve problems. In fact, when he is “sucked” into the video game, he soon realizes that he must find a way to get out of it. However, he panics and loses control of his emotions and relies on others to solve the problem. Only thanks to the help of his friends does he finally regain composure and confidence.

Jennifer Siebel Newsom’s “The Mask You Live In” contains several interesting aspects of research regarding men. One of them is the finding that boys in the U.S. are 30% more likely than girls to flunk or drop out of school. This surprised me, because I thought the percentage would be even higher! As a perfectionist, I always wanted to get the best grades at school, but I noticed that my friends weren’t often as eager as I was. Being “cool” was more important. I never used to tell my friends about my good grades, as I didn’t want to be seen as a “nerd”. I believe that this might be due to the fact that men often seek to demonstrate and improve their masculinity, even at the cost of their grades and success at school. One such example of the manifestation of masculinity is when partying and drinking. According to the documentary, men are much more likely to binge drink than women. This behavior can be a strong contributor to academic failure.

Another statistic that grabbed my attention was that 25% of boys reported having been a victim of bullying, but that only 30% of them sought help from an adult. I believe that this is due to a popular idea that men must dominate, which can cause them to bully others in order to assert their superiority. Additionally, I think that the reason why less than a third of boys look for support is because men are often taught to be mentally and emotionally strong and deal with problems by themselves. However, this statistic still surprised me, because most of my male friends seek support when they are bullied.

Man Up

A part of Carlos Andres Gomez’s book “Man Up” that stood out for me was when he mentioned, towards the end of Chapter 3, that he was tired of not being able to show affection to his brothers, friends and father, of feeling like he has to hide his emotions and being stigmatized for expressing himself.

“I’m tired of not being able to show affection to my brothers and friends. I’m tired of feeling self-conscious when I kiss or hug my father. I’m tired of feeling like I have to hide my emotion and my sensitivity. I’m tired of being stigmatized for wanting to communicate and express myself.”

Carlos Andres Gomez, Chapter 3 of “Man Up”

The documentary helped me better understand what Gomez meant about showing affection. It showed a man named Steven teaching his son that crying and showing emotion is okay. He tells him not to hide his emotions and that he can show affection for others. He did not have a father present in his life, so it was interesting to see that he believed that a son should be able to cry with his father and confide in him. I believe Steven is the father that Carlos Andres Gomez would have wanted his dad to be!

A person that has been an inspiration to me since my childhood is Saku Koivu, a former centre and captain of the Montreal Canadiens.

On September 6th 2001, Koivu was diagnosed with Burkitt’s lymphoma. Even after receiving such devastating news, he stated that he wouldn’t give up and that he would win this fight. This incredible strong spirit and perseverance led him to recover fully and return on the ice on April 9th 2002. In the years following his remarkable recovery, he created the Saku Koivu Foundation which helped provide Montreal with its first PET/CT, located at the Montreal General Hospital, as well as fund Cancer & Trauma initiatives in collaboration with the Montreal General Hospital Foundation. To me, what qualifies someone to be considered an inspiration is their positive impact on the world; it is their selflessness, their courage, their generosity, their optimism… Saku Koivu makes you want to be a better person, to help others and to never give up, no matter how dire the situation seems. He has taught many – he has taught me – that there is more to life than winning a hockey game; winning is knowing that you have made someone else’s life better.

My favorite food is chickpeas, specifically channa masala.