For my 5^th blog I decided to interview my best friend peter. I’ve been best friends with him since grade 8. He’s a really good person and we always do crazy things whenever we’re together. I asked him the questions from the instructions.

My first questions to him was “What makes us best friends?”. he said that since we met, we always got each other’s back what ever happens. We both play hockey in the same team and every time one of us gets into a fight, we always have each other’s back either on the ice or in real life. He also said that we have a different friendship compared with his other friends. Me and Peter could be in the same house in difference rooms and it will be perfectly fine, we don’t need to worry about anything since we trust each other. He feels like he’s free to talk about anything personal with me. Peter always call me whenever something happens or whenever he just wants to act retarded on camera. He said we are so close together since we don’t need to put a distance to our friendship since we can do and talk about anything.

Then I asked him what he likes to do in our free time together. he said that he likes the most when we just drink together and do crazy things since that’s one of the best time, we get really good memories together. He also said that one of the things he like to do the most is to pull an all-nighter in the hot tub because that’s when we have deep talks about the personal stuff in lives. Peter and I hang out together almost every day even though we have school and work.

Since I interviewed my own best friend, I couldn’t really ask him if he has ever told me how much I mean for him but I think I can answer that question on my own. Whenever me and peter talk about personal things we always say how much we actually mean to each other and what would we do if we never met.

I interviewed my high school classmate Zhang Xiaolu. His best friend is in junior high school to know, but because of studying abroad, resulting in the two separated in different places. Here’s our conversation.

1，What are you close to your friend？ Be specific.

We share common interests and common goals. Our characters are complementary. We felt good and comfortable when we were playing together. We met at the games. I enjoy sharing my life with him.

2，What kinds of things do you like to do together？

I like working out with him, playing basketball together, playing games together, and shopping together.

3，Have you ever told your friend how much he means to you？

I told him that if I had a baby, he would be my child’s godfather. But we do n’t have a lot of emotional expressions. I think men will feel each other and do n’t need too much verbal modification.

We can see from our conversation. Men do not express their emotions in words like girls do. Men think it’s lyrical. But I think maybe they also think it would be mistaken for homosexuality. But from the point of view of “No Man is an Island: Men in Relationships”. At present they are in the stage of good friends, and they all know that they can’t cross the border, they are also unwilling to say insults or have close physical contact.

Why are you close?

My friend and I are close because we have a very similar view of life and how it should be. We both see the same problems in the World and offer the same solutions. We both like same things that other people find odd or weird. We both like doing the same things and doing them together. We both have precisely the same taste in women. We both want to be rich for the same reasons. When we are put together, we are a great pair. I am his way of exteriorizing his thoughts, and he is my conscience of right and wrong 😛

What kind of things do you like to do together?

We like going out together ; dancing, drinking (when I used to drink), singing. Basically, we love partying together. We also like playing the guitar together, whenever we have time. Whenever one of us goes out on a trip, we always arrange to meet in a small restaurant to catch up on how the trip was and what happened in the city while the other was away. But what we really love to do the most is train in martial arts and parkour! We both want to be ninjas who will be able to survive the next zombie apocalypse.

Have you ever told your friend how much he means to you?

I don’t think so. But I believe I show it to him whenever I can. Whenever he goes away on a trip, I offer to bring him to the airport. For the longest time, I would drive him home after karate class, even when he wasn’t on my way home. I get him gifts sometimes. Once, I paid for one of his karate camps. When I’m away on a karate trip on which he couldn’t come, I manage to film fights that I know he’d like.

How did he react?

No specific reaction. I know he knows, and he does things for me too. We just know.

I decided to interview my brother who is currently 13 years old. He has a friend who is a male & bisexual. They have known each other from a young age and I’ve watched their friendship grow as well as the person they have become. I never asked how it feels to be friends with him because I feel like it’s different with girls and boys. Most of my guy friends use the word “gay” as an insult or to make fun of things. In order to understand their friendship, I asked him a couple questions.

Q:Why are you close with Anakin?

A: I’m close with him because we’ve known each other since the 2nd gradeand been friends ever since. I guess we just have a good bond.

Q:What kinds of things do you like to do together?

A:Well we usually like to play video games and just chill together when we have time.

Q:How do you feel about him being bisexual?

A: I don’t have a problem with it, like it’s his choice and if he’s happy then I’m happy for him.

Q: What happens if he likes you?

A: That’s impossible because we know each other’s boundaries and we’re basically brothers.

Q:Have you ever told your friend how much he means to you?

A:I don’t think I have to need to since we’ve been friends for like 7 years, that basically just shows that our friendship means a lot to each other.

I analyzed that maybe at a young age, they don’t really know how to express their feelings. In “No Man Is an Island: Men in Relationships” by Christopher Kilmartin and Andrew P. Smiler, they describe different types of relationships and I feel like they’re friendship is more in the “buddy” stage since they don’t show much emotional support. They just vibe with each other and enjoy doing activities together.

I interviewed Jiang, a 45 years old man. He has a static work, a 17 year-old daughter and a beautiful wife. He also has many friends, and he consider one of them, let’s name him A, as his best friend. Jiang believes that A is go-getter, and A often gives him constructive feedback to his confusion about investment. Jiang prefers to stay with A, they always have comfortable conversations and feel relax with each other. Sometimes they go to tea-house together after work, sometimes they go fishing together. At one time, when they were enjoying their meal, Jiang told A that he considered A as his best friend and brother. At the same time, A told Jiang that he was glad to hear what Jiang said, and he considered Jiang as his brother too. They both hope to enjoy the life with the help of each other.

No man is an island: men in relationships. As a common man, Jiang has a family relationship with his daughter and wife, a working relationship with his supervisor and colleagues, and a friendship with his best friend and friends. Broadly speaking, Every man has a Series of relationships, because people are members of a variety of social system and are dependent on others for information, resources support and human contact, just as Chinese adage says that a good man has three gangs.

I interviewed one of my close friends, Katigi. He is seventeen years old, black, straight, and not ashamed to care about his friends.

Q: Why are you close to your friend? Be specific.

A: “We share the same outlooks on and goals in life and we just vibe (are at peace) together.”

It is clear why Katigi considers whoever he was thinking about as his best friend(s). They share emotional support and emotional intimacy, which are important aspects of relationships and friendships.

Q: What kinds of things do you like to do together?

A: “We play basketball, eat together, go out (driving, etc), talk about what we need to talk about, and play pool.”

His answers were refreshing because these activities step outside of the stereotype box. “(…) activities such as watching or talking about sports, playing video games and “bar” games (e.g., billiards, darts), and joking around, but not having intimate conversations.” (Kilmartin & Smiler, 161). While Katigi and his best friend(s) do play sports and billiards, they also incorporate sharing their emotions into these activities. They are not ashamed to express themselves, all while participating in the occupations they enjoy.

Q: Have you ever told your friend how much he means to you? If so, what did you say and how did he react? If you have never told him how much he means to you, why not?

A: “Yes. I’ll say, “Je t’aime,” (‘I love you’ in french) to them and they will say the same thing to me.” 

“I’ve asked men to describe their relationships with their best male friends. (…). The social stigma of homosexual love denies these close relationships the validity of love in our society. This potential loss of love is a pain of homophobia that many men suffer because it delimits their relationship with other men.” (Lehne, 246). While many young boys and men fear expressing their emotions to avoid being labelled as homosexual, Katigi does not have that problem. He even said, “Everyone has emotions and people who disagree are immature.” While some members of society believe that men cannot be straight and still discuss their feelings among their friends, people like Katigi disagree.

I interviewed my uncle about his relationship with his best friend. These were his answers as well as references to Chapter Eight, No Man is an Island: Men in Relationships (in italic):

• Why are you close to your friend?

I’m close to my friend because of all the years that we’ve been together in our relationship. We shared a lot of good and bad moments during that long period, from going to school with him at an earlier age to being close to his family as an adult. Through time, we shared similar experiences and activities together. Although we have several differences, we still have similar values that bond us together. We also know that we can always count on one another and trust each other.

-As per Garfield and Way’s studies, trustworthiness in a relationship between male friends is an essential quality. It’s determined by the ability to keep secrets and to respect your friend. Niobe Way confirms in her research (2011), that the most important attributes of a male friend are: to be there and to stand up for you and to be able to be trusted with your deepest secrets.

• What kinds of things do you like to do together?

We practice several sports together, but mainly tennis and golf. We go to movies and restaurants on a regular basis. Our monthly breakfast, is the most regular and important event, shared with another close friend, to catch-up on numerous subjects (family, sports, politics, etc.). In a quieter atmosphere, early in the morning, it’s easier to talk freely.

-As mentioned, immediately at the beginning of chapter eight, men (in the US) focus more on doing things together and tend to be emotionally shallow. Further in the text, it’s mentioned that male groups will more likely exchange turn-taking monologues and be telling stories than sharing emotional discussions. It’s therefore representative of the information obtained in my interview.

• Have you ever told your friend how much he means to you? If so, what did you say and how did he react? If you have never told him how much he means to you, why not?

I never really told my friend precisely how much he means to me because he’s more of a closed person, he doesn’t really want to talk about his emotions. We’re happy to spend time together so it’s more of a non-verbal appreciation of each other. I believe that you can exchange differently with various friends, meaning that some subjects can be addressed with one person and other topics with another friend.

-As explained in ‘’Men in Relationships’’, men aren’t likely to express emotions with their male friends. It’s understood at a young age that boys that behave in an inconsistent gender way are most likely to be rejected by their friends (Carver, Egan & Perry, 2004). As far as more intimate and emotional discussions, Diekman and Steinberg studies (2016) conclude that both men and women tend to trust women more than men. So, as boys become men, they will open up later on in life with their women friends (in an intimate relationship).

For this blog post I interviewed my neighbor Nick. The following paragraphs will show his responses to the three questions regarding the blog post and explain how they relate to Kilmartin’s “No Man Is an Island: Men in Relationships.”

Nick struggled to find a direct answer when first being asked why him and his best friend, Ryan, are so close. After hearing his response, it was obvious that their friendship meets a lot of the qualities in Kilmartin’s Relationship Basics, primarily: “[p]ractical support[… ,] [e]motional or social support[… and] [e]motional intimacy[.]” (162) Nick explained that Ryan provides him with the support and motivation he feels he needs when things are not going well. Whenever there is a conflict, Ryan is always there for him. Nick also stated that him and Ryan are able have deep conversations about most things without either of them being reluctant to participate.

They spent their entire childhood together- going to the same elementary school, high school and CEGEP. When I asked Nick what activities they enjoyed doing together, he explained that whenever there is the opportunity for them do something as a group, they call each other right away. As mentioned in Kilmartin’s article, this bond allows for their relationship to solidify and be more open to one another.

The last question I asked Nick was if he had ever expressed his appreciation towards Ryan. He answered with “even though I never verbally told him how much he means to me, our day-to-day says it all.” He shies away from telling Ryan because he does not want anything to be taken the wrong way and risk breaking that trust and honesty they have between one another. He finished with “Ryan is my best friend and I do not need to tell him how much he means to me for him to know that I appreciate everything he does for me.”

I interviewed my father for this assignment. He indicated that he was close to his friend because they share a lot of the same interests, they make each other laugh a lot, and they are comfortable talking about anything. My father recounted that he does not have any shared activities with his best friend, but indicated that talking is how they spend their time together, often about meaningful topics. Christopher Killmartin describes stereotypical two-men friendships as being emotionally shallow, and consist mainly of doing activities together. My father and his friend do not generally do activities together, and they have serious conversations, therefore his friendship is not a stereotypical one. My father indicated to me that he has in the past told his friend how much he means to him by telling his friend that he values their friendship and by thanking his friend for being a good listener. His friend responded well by thanking my father. This too goes against the stereotypical men friendships as Christopher Killmartin notes that it is more typical for closeness to come about in friendships by helping one another with tasks or continuing to spend time together, rather than direct statements, like one my father made to his friend.

For this blog post I decided to interview one of my good friends Seb. I’ve known Seb for a number of years. And he is such a sweet and open person. I asked him the questions from the instructions along with a couple of other questions.

I first asked him who his best friend is, his best friend is Nate. Him and Nate have known each other for a very long time now. He mentioned that he is so close to his best friend because they can talk about anything without judging each other. They are on the same page when it comes to almost everything. They are able to talk about their emotions and what they feel when they feel it, not after they feel it like other men I know. Nate can tell when Seb is feeling down and vise versa. This is why they are so close.

I then asked Seb what they do when they spend time with each other. He told me that they like to watch TV or play video games but sometimes they like to just sit together and talk. Or sometimes they like to smoke weed and just chill out together. When they do do this they like to sit on the couch and just talk about whatever their minds come to. Seb also told me that they will sometimes just sit in silence and just be in each other’s company. Kind of like what an old married couple would do, or so from what I’ve heard. My grandparents aren’t the best example of an old married couple.

The next question I asked Seb was if he ever told his best friend how much he means to him. Seb’s immediate answer was a simple “yes”. Without skipping a heartbeat he answered this question with ease. I believe that sometimes a bond between two friends can be so strong that you do not even need to tell them that you love them. And I think that Seb and Nate’s bond is so strong that all they need to do to show their appreciation is a simple smile or hug. After this question I asked Seb what Nate’s answer to this statement was. Seb told me that Nate just gave him a genuine smile, got up from his seated position and gave Seb a big bear hug and reciprocated his affection to his best friend.

The last and final question I asked Seb was if he ever had a really good friend that he never had the chance to tell how much he meant to him. Seb was quiet for a moment and then responded with a yes. I asked him why he never told him how much this friend meant to him and he said that he was not the person who he is today. And he told me that he has matured and is comfortable in his own skin to proudly say how much his friends mean to him.