I decided to interview my brother who is currently 13 years old. He has a friend who is a male & bisexual. They have known each other from a young age and I’ve watched their friendship grow as well as the person they have become. I never asked how it feels to be friends with him because I feel like it’s different with girls and boys. Most of my guy friends use the word “gay” as an insult or to make fun of things. In order to understand their friendship, I asked him a couple questions.

Q:Why are you close with Anakin?

A: I’m close with him because we’ve known each other since the 2nd gradeand been friends ever since. I guess we just have a good bond.

Q:What kinds of things do you like to do together?

A:Well we usually like to play video games and just chill together when we have time.

Q:How do you feel about him being bisexual?

A: I don’t have a problem with it, like it’s his choice and if he’s happy then I’m happy for him.

Q: What happens if he likes you?

A: That’s impossible because we know each other’s boundaries and we’re basically brothers.

Q:Have you ever told your friend how much he means to you?

A:I don’t think I have to need to since we’ve been friends for like 7 years, that basically just shows that our friendship means a lot to each other.

I analyzed that maybe at a young age, they don’t really know how to express their feelings. In “No Man Is an Island: Men in Relationships” by Christopher Kilmartin and Andrew P. Smiler, they describe different types of relationships and I feel like they’re friendship is more in the “buddy” stage since they don’t show much emotional support. They just vibe with each other and enjoy doing activities together.

I interviewed Jiang, a 45 years old man. He has a static work, a 17 year-old daughter and a beautiful wife. He also has many friends, and he consider one of them, let’s name him A, as his best friend. Jiang believes that A is go-getter, and A often gives him constructive feedback to his confusion about investment. Jiang prefers to stay with A, they always have comfortable conversations and feel relax with each other. Sometimes they go to tea-house together after work, sometimes they go fishing together. At one time, when they were enjoying their meal, Jiang told A that he considered A as his best friend and brother. At the same time, A told Jiang that he was glad to hear what Jiang said, and he considered Jiang as his brother too. They both hope to enjoy the life with the help of each other.

No man is an island: men in relationships. As a common man, Jiang has a family relationship with his daughter and wife, a working relationship with his supervisor and colleagues, and a friendship with his best friend and friends. Broadly speaking, Every man has a Series of relationships, because people are members of a variety of social system and are dependent on others for information, resources support and human contact, just as Chinese adage says that a good man has three gangs.

I interviewed one of my close friends, Katigi. He is seventeen years old, black, straight, and not ashamed to care about his friends.

Q: Why are you close to your friend? Be specific.

A: “We share the same outlooks on and goals in life and we just vibe (are at peace) together.”

It is clear why Katigi considers whoever he was thinking about as his best friend(s). They share emotional support and emotional intimacy, which are important aspects of relationships and friendships.

Q: What kinds of things do you like to do together?

A: “We play basketball, eat together, go out (driving, etc), talk about what we need to talk about, and play pool.”

His answers were refreshing because these activities step outside of the stereotype box. “(…) activities such as watching or talking about sports, playing video games and “bar” games (e.g., billiards, darts), and joking around, but not having intimate conversations.” (Kilmartin & Smiler, 161). While Katigi and his best friend(s) do play sports and billiards, they also incorporate sharing their emotions into these activities. They are not ashamed to express themselves, all while participating in the occupations they enjoy.

Q: Have you ever told your friend how much he means to you? If so, what did you say and how did he react? If you have never told him how much he means to you, why not?

A: “Yes. I’ll say, “Je t’aime,” (‘I love you’ in french) to them and they will say the same thing to me.” 

“I’ve asked men to describe their relationships with their best male friends. (…). The social stigma of homosexual love denies these close relationships the validity of love in our society. This potential loss of love is a pain of homophobia that many men suffer because it delimits their relationship with other men.” (Lehne, 246). While many young boys and men fear expressing their emotions to avoid being labelled as homosexual, Katigi does not have that problem. He even said, “Everyone has emotions and people who disagree are immature.” While some members of society believe that men cannot be straight and still discuss their feelings among their friends, people like Katigi disagree.