Lovers and Fighters | Section 22

I interviewed one of my close friends, Katigi. He is seventeen years old, black, straight, and not ashamed to care about his friends.

Q: Why are you close to your friend? Be specific.

A: “We share the same outlooks on and goals in life and we just vibe (are at peace) together.”

It is clear why Katigi considers whoever he was thinking about as his best friend(s). They share emotional support and emotional intimacy, which are important aspects of relationships and friendships.

Q: What kinds of things do you like to do together?

A: “We play basketball, eat together, go out (driving, etc), talk about what we need to talk about, and play pool.”

His answers were refreshing because these activities step outside of the stereotype box. “(…) activities such as watching or talking about sports, playing video games and “bar” games (e.g., billiards, darts), and joking around, but not having intimate conversations.” (Kilmartin & Smiler, 161). While Katigi and his best friend(s) do play sports and billiards, they also incorporate sharing their emotions into these activities. They are not ashamed to express themselves, all while participating in the occupations they enjoy.

Q: Have you ever told your friend how much he means to you? If so, what did you say and how did he react? If you have never told him how much he means to you, why not?

A: “Yes. I’ll say, “Je t’aime,” (‘I love you’ in french) to them and they will say the same thing to me.” 

“I’ve asked men to describe their relationships with their best male friends. (…). The social stigma of homosexual love denies these close relationships the validity of love in our society. This potential loss of love is a pain of homophobia that many men suffer because it delimits their relationship with other men.” (Lehne, 246). While many young boys and men fear expressing their emotions to avoid being labelled as homosexual, Katigi does not have that problem. He even said, “Everyone has emotions and people who disagree are immature.” While some members of society believe that men cannot be straight and still discuss their feelings among their friends, people like Katigi disagree.