Instead of asking one of my friends my age, or an older person in my life, with more experience, I decided to talk with my girlfriend’s younger brother, Seadon. He is fourteen, only in his second year of highschool, and still developing stronger friendships. I started with asking who was his closest male friend and why he felt so close to him. Seadon said that he and his best friend were close because they share common interests, and really can’t get annoyed of each other. Seadon calls Thomas his best male friend but from what I have observed, they do not possess the same relationship qualities as female best friend relationship in terms of displaying emotions
I continued with asking him what they do together, to which he only answered activities such as skiing, playing video games and watching movies. These activities don’t leave very much room for intimate talks. As Kilmartin said in the reading, “Buddies may or may not share emotional support related to topics outside of the activity… buddies who play together in an athletic league may-or may not-talk to each other about their romantic relationships.”(Kilmartin 163). This strengthens the idea of how men must stay within the “man box” wherever and with whomever they go.
I then asked Seadon if he had ever asked his friend how much he and their relationship meant to him, to which he laughed and said, “we don’t talk about deep stuff like that.” He then added, “we can’t get serious about that stuff because all we do is joke around.” If we start talking about something serious he said, “it gets awkward and we turn it into a joke.” As Kilmartin described perfectly, “Boys and men are taught to be competitive with one another, but the establishment of intimacy rests partly on revealing one’s weaknesses and vulnerabilities to another.” (Kilmartin 165). I don’t believe that the boys are purposefully trying to be competitive, but naturally, they have been socialized into not being vulnerable with or around other boys.
All in all, at the age that Seadon and his friends are right now, they are still learning how to function socially and how to be comfortable with being emotional and vulnerable with each other. “No Man is An Island: Men’s Relationships” by Christopher Kilmartin makes me realize that homophobia plays a much greater role in men’s relationship than I ever anticipated, especially at this age group. Being that this generation is a more accepting one, it is significantly harder for younger people to balance the acceptance of homosexuality with the socialized idea that men must be stoic and seen as having no weaknesses. This is why it can be hard for younger boys to be as open-minded as one would want them to be.
Lovers and Fighters | Section 22 