I interviewed my closest friends for this blog post.

For the first question, one friend said that because we knew each other for so many years, since the beginning of high school and that he said that my personality, my flaws, our fights and our many adventures while growing up is what made our friendship strong and valuable.

For the second question, another friend said that when we (our group) were all together, that’s what he needed to have fun, nothing big, nothing planned, just to see his friends, make jokes, play soccer and having some rare but interesting discussions about serious topics. (He then started laughing is eyes out because he thought what he said was “cheezy”. )

For the last question, a third friend told me that he doesn’t need to or that I don’t need to tell how much we mean for each other, because we’ve all been through so much in our lives like fights, family matters and accomplishments. All of us supported each other through those moments and from that we know how much we mean for each other. (He also started laughing and punched me in the arm for forcing him to do the interview.)

The interview with my friends contradicts to Kilmartin’s “No Man Is an Island: Men in Relationships” He explains how physical interactions between male friends can distant them because it can percieved as a “homosexual” quality. This doesn’t apply with my friends because we when all meet each other we do handshakes or even hug each other if we haven’t seen all each other for a long time, because of school and work. Kilmartin discusses about the stereotypical of male friends activity do like talking about sports, “bar” games and or joking around. This is a bit true, but in my interview with my friends, as I mentioned, we also have serious and intimate conversations about life and problems that we all have in our individual lives. So I think from my perspective that male friendships are more open than it used to be.

Instead of asking one of my friends my age, or an older person in my life, with more experience, I decided to talk with my girlfriend’s younger brother, Seadon. He is fourteen, only in his second year of highschool, and still developing stronger friendships. I started with asking who was his closest male friend and why he felt so close to him. Seadon said that he and his best friend were close because they share common interests, and really can’t get annoyed of each other. Seadon calls Thomas his best male friend but from what I have observed, they do not possess the same relationship qualities as female best friend relationship in terms of displaying emotions

I continued with asking him what they do together, to which he only answered activities such as skiing, playing video games and watching movies. These activities don’t leave very much room for intimate talks. As Kilmartin said in the reading, “Buddies may or may not share emotional support related to topics outside of the activity… buddies who play together in an athletic league may-or may not-talk to each other about their romantic relationships.”(Kilmartin 163). This strengthens the idea of how men must stay within the “man box” wherever and with whomever they go.

I then asked Seadon if he had ever asked his friend how much he and their relationship meant to him, to which he laughed and said, “we don’t talk about deep stuff like that.” He then added, “we can’t get serious about that stuff because all we do is joke around.” If we start talking about something serious he said, “it gets awkward and we turn it into a joke.” As Kilmartin described perfectly, “Boys and men are taught to be competitive with one another, but the establishment of intimacy rests partly on revealing one’s weaknesses and vulnerabilities to another.” (Kilmartin 165). I don’t believe that the boys are purposefully trying to be competitive, but naturally, they have been socialized into not being vulnerable with or around other boys.

All in all, at the age that Seadon and his friends are right now, they are still learning how to function socially and how to be comfortable with being emotional and vulnerable with each other. “No Man is An Island: Men’s Relationships” by Christopher Kilmartin makes me realize that homophobia plays a much greater role in men’s relationship than I ever anticipated, especially at this age group. Being that this generation is a more accepting one, it is significantly harder for younger people to balance the acceptance of homosexuality with the socialized idea that men must be stoic and seen as having no weaknesses. This is why it can be hard for younger boys to be as open-minded as one would want them to be.

The person i chose to interview about his best friend is my dad and his friendship with his friend of 18 years, Pat. 

1. My dad is very close to his best friend and has been for very long. They both enjoy doing the same things and have very similar interests which is why they have remained friends for so long. When my dad met his bestfriend, he can tell that he was someone that would be genuine and would be someone that my dad can become best friends with. Throughout his life, my dad has met many people through his friend groups, jobs, and everyday experiences. He said that Pat was someone that he can count on and that he would be someone that is always in the mood to have a good time.
2. My dad and his friend are very similar in many ways. They both are very into fishing and hunting, and go almost every weekend in the summer together up north. They also share the same liking of sports teams and sports in general. They attend hockey games and even played badminton for many years together. They have been on many roadtrips to toronto and other places in the US. My dad and his friend are two people which have many interests and hobbies which is why they never get bored and always find something to do.
3. My dad and his friend are two people which don’t often share emotions bery much. They tend to be more closed off in general with their feelings, but they have told eachother that they appreciate the other in their lives. Through ups and downs, they both know who they can talk to and who will always be there to give advice and offer help if needed. They have both experienced many things which have brought them down in life, but their friendship had allowed them to be open with eachother and to knoe that they got eachother in any time they need help. My dad is someone that associates himself with good and genuine people and doesn’t appreciate temporary friends. My dad’s friendship with Pat has lasted very long because of their similarities and constant interest in new things. People that are genuine and real are hard to find, but my dad’s friendship with his bestfriend has 

For this blog i interviewed one of my best friends his name is Hussien.

When I asked him the first question, Why are you close to your friend?He answered:because I knew him from along time ,he is loyal he understand me the most ,we have a lot in common, he help me solve my problems.His answers were the same as the Relationship basics that Christopher Kilmartin and Andrew P. Smiler. Talked about in “no man is an island”.

When I asked him about the things do you like to do ?He told me: going out stand up for each other play video games , go car rides ,drink go to parties.I saw it’s really similar to the things that the writers referred to the United States men in their relationships.

About the third question his answer was:No,I never told him what he means to me,Because its not necessary to tell him about my feelings basically my actions towords him explains to him how much he means to me.

As refereed in “No man is an island “Men usually prefer to speak their feelings with actions rather than words.

To study male to male close friendships I have interviewed two men in my life about their best friend. Just to clarify the text, the names of the “friends” won’t be mentioned but Alex and Mike are not talking about each other, they are taking about two different people.

The first one is Alex, 21 years old and openly bisexual. Alex is one of my very close friends and I have known him for many years, I am interviewing him about his friend that currently lives on his couch. When I asked Alex why is he close to his friend he answered “Because we grew up together and we know each other, therefore we don’t judge each other. Even though we don’t like the same things we respect and don’t judge each other.” Right from the start we see that respect is a very important characteristic that Alex looks for in a friend and the fact that he mentioned the word “judge” twice leads me to think that he may have been judged a fair amount throughout his childhood and he only kept contact with the only friend that didn’t judge him for his interests. (After a discussion with Alex my assumption turns out to be true). I can relate this first reaction to a big portion of the text “No Man Is an Island: Men in Relationships” by Christopher Kilmartin and Andrew P. Smiler. In a big part of that chapter they discuss how the characteristics that men look for in a friend are trustworthiness and respect, they want to be able to share their fears, desires, hopes and dreams without being judged.

Let’s compare Alex’s answer to my second interview with Alex’s roommate, Mike. Mike is 27 years old and he is heterosexual. (Sexuality is important for the second part of my interview) When asked the same question Mike answered differently : “Because we have the same mind, we have some of the same interests but it is mainly because we agree on the same politics about life and we have the same opinions about most things” I asked Mike if not being judged and being respected are important aspects of his friendship and he told me that with the years he has come to realize that no one will respect you forever and no friendships last a lifetime so he just goes with the vibe of the person. It saddens me a bit to see how two people that grew up in relatively the same society have such different views on life and friendships but this makes a very good comparison with a part of the text mentioned above. They say that men that experience less emotional relationships with other men, or have less personal connection in their friendships are generally more depressed and lonely. Mike could be a great example.

When asked what kind of thing they like to do with their (respective) friends both Mike and Alex had similar answers : “Hang out, play music, play video games, go out and find something fun to do such as see a show or go to a rave” But at this point in the conversation Alex told me I’m becoming annoying with my questions because they seemed too personal.

When I asked Mike my last question: “Have you ever told your friend how much he means to you (or vice versa)? How did it go” Mike was very open about it and he told me how at one point of his life he was feeling really down because he had just broken up with his ex girlfriend and his friend was also going thought a tough patch and they had a long talk and tried to help each other and be there for each other emotionally. And they let each other know they weren’t alone in this. I think that this is a very touching thing to hear especially coming from a man that previously said he doesn’t really trust anyone. It shows that even though he is a bit closed up he still realizes his need for affection and he accepts the help when it is offered.

Alex on the other hand was very annoyed with my personal questions and when I asked him the same question he answered that it was too long ago and that he didn’t remember. I also asked him if he was under influence when they had their deep talk and he answered: “I told you I don’t remember”. The thing that I know about Alex and his best friend is that his best friend was the first to know about Alex’s sexuality. He is also the first man that Alex has had a homoerotic experience with. This is the reason (again, confirmed by Alex) that it is difficult for his friend to express the emotional connection he has for Alex because, as mentioned in the text, there might be a fear to be perceived as homosexual when he isn’t.

To conclude, something very interesting that I have found with my two interviews is that some of the behaviours and answered correlate perfectly with the behaviours mentioned in Kimmel’s study, but some are completely opposite. Like the fact that mike wanted to keep talking about his friend and he was very comfortable expressing his emotional relationship with his friend even though he has led a more strict and gendered masculinity in his life. When on the other hand Alex, who has had very emotional connections with his friends and is even openly bisexual, does not want to express these feelings out loud. This only shows us that even though we study men in a very generalized setting, there is much we don’t know or understand about the human psychology and everyone goes through their own challenges that shape them into the person they are.

For this blog, I interviewed my brother because I think that he is the perfect candidate for this interview. Why? Since me and my brother are really close, I am more confident to get information out of his mouth. On top of that, I see him everyday at home so it’s more convenient for me to reach out to him. Who is your best friend?: His best friend is a friend that he met at the age of 16. He has met his friend since high school and they kept in contact up until now. He chose him as a best friend because he mentioned that time doesn’t matter to him. He has met friends that he knew from the elementary school, but their personality has changed over time, therefore he didn’t consider him as a close friend anymore.

What kinds of things do you like to do together?: Most of time, they spent time to each other on video games. However, when they do get times to meet with each other, they would go to YMCA to play sports together. Rarely, they would invite each other to their houses because my brother prefer taking this opportunity to do an activity outside of the house.

Have you ever told how he means to you?: This question is a little bit ambiguous because my brother do tell his best friend how much he meant to him. But, he doesn’t do that on a regular basis. Based on what he told me, his relationship with his friends are more the type to “go with the flow”. They don’t have a particular date designed to sharing emotional feelings. But, when one of them realize that the other’s facial expression is not right. One of them would mention it and they would put more time to talk about the subject matter.

According to the text, “stereotypically male activities such as watching or talking about sports , playing video games and “bar” games…”. This perfectly represents my brother because that’s what he usually do with his best friends because they both work so they don’t have time to go out. However, my brother is a perfect counter example for “Homophobia is perhaps the greatest barrier to friendships between men.” Based on the text, the author kept describing how men would distant themselves from physical interaction because they are afraid that they would be perceived as “gay” men. However, my brother has never took that into consideration. He would show affection to his best friend whenever it’s needed. But, one of the biggest challenge for their relationship is that they would only talk about their problem if one of them actually brought the subject up. If not, they would avoid speaking about personal things with each other.

I interviewed my guy friend who is older than me and has a best friend for 6 years. He was hesitating a bit to answer the questions but after a moment, he answered with a short solid answers, truthfully.

The first question was why he’s closed to his best friend. He shared that they share interests in sports, games and also, in faith in God. That’s why he met him in a youth group on his church and they served together. In “No Man is an Island: Men in Relationships” by Kilmartin, it emphasizes that there’s a male-male competition and which illustrates the masculine norms that don’t foster egalitarian relationships among boys. Also, that they should be independent and self-sufficient, and they should not need others. However, that contradicts their friendship. When my guy friend need help, his friend is there not always but when they’re together I can see their closeness. They got their closeness because they’re open to each other and they’re not scared to show their real emotions. At first, he said it was too hard but the youth group helped them to connect and became more closer. There are no such thing called competition in their friendship because for them friendship is there to support each other and have someone who is liable.

That brings me to the second question about how he appreciates his friend, he said, that he never fails to say that how his friend means to him and ‘that friend’ supported and helped him when he’s at his lowest. He cares genuinely without asking something in return. And that proves the Kaplan & Rosemann, 2014. Additionally, their friendship has the three relationship basics: the emotional or social support, emotional intimacy and status. That shows, even it’s awkward to show concern because guys don’t do stuffs like this, but as time passed by they grew as a gentlemen. Their friendship became comfortable with the idea of honouring each other.

I thought the best person to interview is my one of my good friends ahmad who is a person who likes to share his opinions to other, about his best friend the following questions and see what his answers are going to be:

Why are you guys close ? And be specific

Well we have known each other for so long now. We spend most of our time together and we have a lot of fun. We are always there for each other, wether in our best or worst times.
We support each other no matter what.
Also our ideas and ways of thinking are almost the same and i guess it is why we understand each other more than anyone else.

What kind of things do you guys like to do together ?

As i said before we are together most of the time so we do tons of stuff. We go to the cafe and have a drink and chat like any other person, we play video games, we hang out, and we also go to the gym and swim.

Have you ever told your friend how much he means to you ?

i actually never told him directly how much he means to me

And why is that ?

Simple, because we have known each other for so long and helped each other through so so many situations it is more than obvious that nothing in the world would stop me from caring about him. It is the actions that have spoken the words i guess.

As mentioned in “ Men in relationships “, friendship like these are the ones you would expect to see between men. It is simply because men are more depending on actions rather than emotions, they unconsciously believe that actions speak louder than words even though lot of men, like my friend here, share opinions and like to talk about anything, but surprisingly not feelings. For them, it is not necessary to show love through words if you have already proving yourself multiple times in situations.

For this blog, I interviewed my friend Mehdi: A 18 years old man.

1: How did you met your bestfriend ?

I met him because we have a common friend and he presented us. Since the first days, we got along and we started chilling together.

2: Why are you close to your friends ?

When we first met, we directly got along and since we are from the same country, we have a lot of cultural references in common. During the first months, we were good friends but not enough to consider ourselves best friends. But when I broke my ankle, he was the one of the only one that came to see me. Since then, I realized that he was a true friend and it has been now 6 years that we are best friends.

3:What kinds of things do you like to do together?

We are both sedentary people so we don’t go out so much. We would rather go to each other’s house and stay there and discuss, play video-games, or watch movies. We stay in my basement and discuss all day about everything while eating and it is like this all day, every day during all the summer.

4: Have you ever told your friend how much he means to you? If so, what did you say and how did he react? If you have never told him how much he means to you, why not?

No. We both come from an african country and disscussing of our emotions between men is not something that we do and it is seen as a weak thing to do. Even if we have never expressed our feelings, we both know really well that we mean a lot to each other and we both value a lot our relationship.

The relationship between Mehdi and his bestfriend has many of the characteristics described in the Kimmel’s writting. They both don’t express their feelings but still feel close to one another. Also and what struck me during the interview is how he really start considering him as his best friend after he came to see him when he broke his ankle. He really like the action and it changed their relation completely. It is written in Kimmel’s writting that ” the most important attributes of a close or best friend was knowing that he would be there for you…”. And for Mehdi, It was a really important thing and it created a true friendship between him and his best friend.

I interviewed my Friend about his best friend, They have been Friends since High School. They have been best friends for almost 6 years.

(Questions I asked)

• Why are you close to your Friend?

-I’ve been closed to my friend because he is the only one who understand my personality and he is more likely to make me be better personally and spiritually. My friend is a Christian, He always enlighten me with god words and makes me feel whole specially in my saddest moments, and he is always listening to me if ever I give him advice. He understand also and he always motivate me If I ever lose confidence to face a challenge.

• What kinds of things do you like to do together?

-The things we like together are share personal stories,basketball and bible studies. We like to share personal stories because we learn to understand each other and we have the chance to correct each others mistakes and make it better outcome. We play basketball because that’s how we build our chemistry and use it as a way to improve our friendship. We do bible study because we are christian and as a children of God we make sure we obey God and preciously embrace God commandments and share God’s message to his people.

• Have you ever told your friend how much he means to you? If so, what did you say and how did he react? If you have never told him how much he means to you, why not?

-No, I haven’t. why? because I don’t have to because we really know that we are really true and we are really meant to be friends because of the way we show love and understand and also hospitality to each other and to others too.