I interviewed my uncle about his relationship with his best friend. These were his answers as well as references to Chapter Eight, No Man is an Island: Men in Relationships (in italic):
- Why are you close to your friend?
I’m close to my friend because of all the years that we’ve been together in our relationship. We shared a lot of good and bad moments during that long period, from going to school with him at an earlier age to being close to his family as an adult. Through time, we shared similar experiences and activities together. Although we have several differences, we still have similar values that bond us together. We also know that we can always count on one another and trust each other.
-As per Garfield and Way’s studies, trustworthiness in a relationship between male friends is an essential quality. It’s determined by the ability to keep secrets and to respect your friend. Niobe Way confirms in her research (2011), that the most important attributes of a male friend are: to be there and to stand up for you and to be able to be trusted with your deepest secrets.
- What kinds of things do you like to do together?
We practice several sports together, but mainly tennis and golf. We go to movies and restaurants on a regular basis. Our monthly breakfast, is the most regular and important event, shared with another close friend, to catch-up on numerous subjects (family, sports, politics, etc.). In a quieter atmosphere, early in the morning, it’s easier to talk freely.
-As mentioned, immediately at the beginning of chapter eight, men (in the US) focus more on doing things together and tend to be emotionally shallow. Further in the text, it’s mentioned that male groups will more likely exchange turn-taking monologues and be telling stories than sharing emotional discussions. It’s therefore representative of the information obtained in my interview.
- Have you ever told your friend how much he means to you? If so, what did you say and how did he react? If you have never told him how much he means to you, why not?
I never really told my friend precisely how much he means to me because he’s more of a closed person, he doesn’t really want to talk about his emotions. We’re happy to spend time together so it’s more of a non-verbal appreciation of each other. I believe that you can exchange differently with various friends, meaning that some subjects can be addressed with one person and other topics with another friend.
-As explained in ‘’Men in Relationships’’, men aren’t likely to express emotions with their male friends. It’s understood at a young age that boys that behave in an inconsistent gender way are most likely to be rejected by their friends (Carver, Egan & Perry, 2004). As far as more intimate and emotional discussions, Diekman and Steinberg studies (2016) conclude that both men and women tend to trust women more than men. So, as boys become men, they will open up later on in life with their women friends (in an intimate relationship).
Lovers and Fighters | Section 22 