I interviewed my uncle about his relationship with his best friend. These were his answers as well as references to Chapter Eight, No Man is an Island: Men in Relationships (in italic):

• Why are you close to your friend?

I’m close to my friend because of all the years that we’ve been together in our relationship. We shared a lot of good and bad moments during that long period, from going to school with him at an earlier age to being close to his family as an adult. Through time, we shared similar experiences and activities together. Although we have several differences, we still have similar values that bond us together. We also know that we can always count on one another and trust each other.

-As per Garfield and Way’s studies, trustworthiness in a relationship between male friends is an essential quality. It’s determined by the ability to keep secrets and to respect your friend. Niobe Way confirms in her research (2011), that the most important attributes of a male friend are: to be there and to stand up for you and to be able to be trusted with your deepest secrets.

• What kinds of things do you like to do together?

We practice several sports together, but mainly tennis and golf. We go to movies and restaurants on a regular basis. Our monthly breakfast, is the most regular and important event, shared with another close friend, to catch-up on numerous subjects (family, sports, politics, etc.). In a quieter atmosphere, early in the morning, it’s easier to talk freely.

-As mentioned, immediately at the beginning of chapter eight, men (in the US) focus more on doing things together and tend to be emotionally shallow. Further in the text, it’s mentioned that male groups will more likely exchange turn-taking monologues and be telling stories than sharing emotional discussions. It’s therefore representative of the information obtained in my interview.

• Have you ever told your friend how much he means to you? If so, what did you say and how did he react? If you have never told him how much he means to you, why not?

I never really told my friend precisely how much he means to me because he’s more of a closed person, he doesn’t really want to talk about his emotions. We’re happy to spend time together so it’s more of a non-verbal appreciation of each other. I believe that you can exchange differently with various friends, meaning that some subjects can be addressed with one person and other topics with another friend.

-As explained in ‘’Men in Relationships’’, men aren’t likely to express emotions with their male friends. It’s understood at a young age that boys that behave in an inconsistent gender way are most likely to be rejected by their friends (Carver, Egan & Perry, 2004). As far as more intimate and emotional discussions, Diekman and Steinberg studies (2016) conclude that both men and women tend to trust women more than men. So, as boys become men, they will open up later on in life with their women friends (in an intimate relationship).

For this blog post I interviewed my neighbor Nick. The following paragraphs will show his responses to the three questions regarding the blog post and explain how they relate to Kilmartin’s “No Man Is an Island: Men in Relationships.”

Nick struggled to find a direct answer when first being asked why him and his best friend, Ryan, are so close. After hearing his response, it was obvious that their friendship meets a lot of the qualities in Kilmartin’s Relationship Basics, primarily: “[p]ractical support[… ,] [e]motional or social support[… and] [e]motional intimacy[.]” (162) Nick explained that Ryan provides him with the support and motivation he feels he needs when things are not going well. Whenever there is a conflict, Ryan is always there for him. Nick also stated that him and Ryan are able have deep conversations about most things without either of them being reluctant to participate.

They spent their entire childhood together- going to the same elementary school, high school and CEGEP. When I asked Nick what activities they enjoyed doing together, he explained that whenever there is the opportunity for them do something as a group, they call each other right away. As mentioned in Kilmartin’s article, this bond allows for their relationship to solidify and be more open to one another.

The last question I asked Nick was if he had ever expressed his appreciation towards Ryan. He answered with “even though I never verbally told him how much he means to me, our day-to-day says it all.” He shies away from telling Ryan because he does not want anything to be taken the wrong way and risk breaking that trust and honesty they have between one another. He finished with “Ryan is my best friend and I do not need to tell him how much he means to me for him to know that I appreciate everything he does for me.”

I interviewed my father for this assignment. He indicated that he was close to his friend because they share a lot of the same interests, they make each other laugh a lot, and they are comfortable talking about anything. My father recounted that he does not have any shared activities with his best friend, but indicated that talking is how they spend their time together, often about meaningful topics. Christopher Killmartin describes stereotypical two-men friendships as being emotionally shallow, and consist mainly of doing activities together. My father and his friend do not generally do activities together, and they have serious conversations, therefore his friendship is not a stereotypical one. My father indicated to me that he has in the past told his friend how much he means to him by telling his friend that he values their friendship and by thanking his friend for being a good listener. His friend responded well by thanking my father. This too goes against the stereotypical men friendships as Christopher Killmartin notes that it is more typical for closeness to come about in friendships by helping one another with tasks or continuing to spend time together, rather than direct statements, like one my father made to his friend.

For this blog post I decided to interview one of my good friends Seb. I’ve known Seb for a number of years. And he is such a sweet and open person. I asked him the questions from the instructions along with a couple of other questions.

I first asked him who his best friend is, his best friend is Nate. Him and Nate have known each other for a very long time now. He mentioned that he is so close to his best friend because they can talk about anything without judging each other. They are on the same page when it comes to almost everything. They are able to talk about their emotions and what they feel when they feel it, not after they feel it like other men I know. Nate can tell when Seb is feeling down and vise versa. This is why they are so close.

I then asked Seb what they do when they spend time with each other. He told me that they like to watch TV or play video games but sometimes they like to just sit together and talk. Or sometimes they like to smoke weed and just chill out together. When they do do this they like to sit on the couch and just talk about whatever their minds come to. Seb also told me that they will sometimes just sit in silence and just be in each other’s company. Kind of like what an old married couple would do, or so from what I’ve heard. My grandparents aren’t the best example of an old married couple.

The next question I asked Seb was if he ever told his best friend how much he means to him. Seb’s immediate answer was a simple “yes”. Without skipping a heartbeat he answered this question with ease. I believe that sometimes a bond between two friends can be so strong that you do not even need to tell them that you love them. And I think that Seb and Nate’s bond is so strong that all they need to do to show their appreciation is a simple smile or hug. After this question I asked Seb what Nate’s answer to this statement was. Seb told me that Nate just gave him a genuine smile, got up from his seated position and gave Seb a big bear hug and reciprocated his affection to his best friend.

The last and final question I asked Seb was if he ever had a really good friend that he never had the chance to tell how much he meant to him. Seb was quiet for a moment and then responded with a yes. I asked him why he never told him how much this friend meant to him and he said that he was not the person who he is today. And he told me that he has matured and is comfortable in his own skin to proudly say how much his friends mean to him.