After watching the documentary, the first aspect that intrigued me was when they showed studies on how boys express their depression through aggrevation and by being more frustrated at external things. This contradicts how girls cope with depression as they tend to be more quiet and prefer to be alone. Boys have trouble dealing with their emotions and coping with their feelings that include sadness or stress. Girls are seen as more emotional and sensitive than boys, which is why a girl crying is more common than seeing a boy crying. “Boys believe it is not normal to cry after 10” was a quote which stood out to me as it shows how even as a young child, boys are told to be tough and to not cry in situations when crying would be the best release and coping mechanism. They’re told to be tough and to not be emotional, which is why they tend to turn to anger and violence to release their hurting inside. 

The second aspect in the documentary which stood out to me was when they spoke about a man that shot someone 6 times, making this moment the only time he felt true power. He did this because he felt peer pressured into doing so to fit in, and his peers told him that he wouldnt be tough if he didnt do it. This part shows how friends and those you surround yourself with greatly impact your daily life and your motives.

In Carlos Andreas Gomez’s book, he speaks on a boy’s life experience while trying to find himself and his sexuality. He speaks on different cultures and how some things in different countries are more common than others. For example, holding hands in Zambia is considered normal, however if two people were to hold hands in America, they would be seen as being gay or in a relationship. This part stood out to me because it shows how a simple action of touching hands can be seen as two completely different things depending on the region or country.

Be strong, be tough, be cold, be rich, be muscular, be sportive… Be a man. Those words, boys are continually told growing up shape the men that form today’s society. In the documentary “the mask you live in”, many statistics are unveiled to showcase the problems that boys and men have to face in our society. One of those statistics describes that 50% of boys are physically abused throughout their lives. This statistic really surprised me because in today’s world in which, yes, abuse is still a taboo subject, but also in which people are becoming a lot more open about their experiences with this horrible word, boys are a bit left out of the subject. Don’t get me wrong, In this world every kind of abuse is terribly wrong and horrible, but for me this issue facing boys was less heard of than other groups. In this documentary we are also told that rapists in our society don’t surge out of nowhere, they are created by our own society, our own rape culture. This really jumped at me and made me think that it is because of everything we teach boys, all those words that they are continually told growing up, all those things they are told to be and not to be. All of this creates a sort of hatred embedded deep down in people’s personality, hatred that they have to hide beneath a mask, hatred that creates this rape culture. 

       We can contrast those two pieces of information to the book written by Carlos Andres Gomez, especially the part where he talks about his time in Zambia and how the men there have a completely different way of interacting with one another, a way that, we, men from western societies are not familiar with. We can contrast this part from his book with what is told in the documentary to better understand Carlos’ experiences in Zambia. For a man that comes from this overly masculine society, from this culture where boys shout names at each other to prove to one another who is the manliest, in this world where men are not allowed to engage in any physical act of friendship in the fear of being called a “faggot”. For a man from this world, we can understand that Zambia was an incredible eye-opening experience.

The story about Carlos has the same message as the documentary that we watched in class: let’s teach our boys that being a man means being human. And as a human being you are allowed to cry, you’re allowed to love and be loved, You have the right to communicate your desires, your wants and your needs within all spheres of life without anyone reprimanding you or making you feel like crap; and if someone does, it had more to do with them than it ever will with you. In the story, Theres a passage that I adore; By buying into the illusion of power afforded by patriarchy, we as heterosexual men do far more than just oppress women and gay men – ultimately we are oppressing ourselves. A lot of guys I know feel the need to choose between being a man and being human but what they fail to realize is that the mold we as a society have crafted for them isn’t that of man, it’s an empty soulless shell that turns into a prison once you enter. Any sign of resistance shut down and silenced. That’s when boys start to devalue their desires, wants and needs. They develop a sense that being feared is more beneficial than being loved. Fear and power go hand in hand, life then turns into a competition, the winner takes it all. But if you constantly have to prove yourself, do you ever actually win? We have to start teaching our children that they loved unconditionally, we have to start telling our friends, our partners that they are loved unconditionally. You know, it’s not the lack of emotions, it’s the lack of emotional support. The documentary mentions that these boys have some much pain bottled up within them and that it’s so emotionally draining constantly having to take care of everything by themselves. Some of the boys have friends they consider outlets for those emotions and that they have a sense of relief knowing that someone is there for them. But a lot of these boys our lone soldiers in the never ending battle of ironic patriarchy. The terms masculine and feminine our quiet literally mirror images of each other, two sides of the same coin;) yet today we’ve stamped them as two different entities. This drives us to believe that there is only one way to be a man, which is completely false. So it’s time we change the narrative of man up. And remember, you’re gorgeous💋

“Men want a battle to fight, an adventure to live, and a beauty to rescue. That is what is written in their hearts. That is what little boys play at. That is what men’s movies are about. You just see it. It is undeniable.” John Eldredge

In the documentary “The Mask You Live In ” , men were illustrated as being weak , having emotions and the right to express themselves crying unlike society stereotypes which are that men should have no emotions using violence to solve problems and being dominant .

The 2 aspects of research that really jumped out at me and illustrate the results of society stereotypes pressure on boys and men are: 1. Everyday three or more boys commit suicide and 2. 93% of boys are exposed to internet porn .

These 2 aspects got my attention because I think that boys’ everyday suicide is a real problem caused by society traits and stereotypes towards boys that even from young age parents , schools and other social networks tend to trait young boys as men teaching them that you have to hide your emotions ( no crying especially in front of girls) , you are strong, you have to use your power to fight . This leads boys to overthink about their masculinity and how to prove it to not be ignored or bullied by other boys and all these things lead boys to commit suicide to give away their masculinity

It shocked me that 93% of boys are exposed to internet porn, this mean that boys are misusing the technology they were exposed to , and this is very dangerous because this is a harmful way to prove a boy’s masculinity and boys tend to do this as part of their attempts to discover themselves and this simply means that a full generation and society is at risk of losing themselves to prove their masculinity.

And to link the findings of this documentary with Carlos Andres Gomez book , the part which really got my attention from this book is , when he realized that he is homophobic even if he was behaving and thinking about himself like a gay , and the documentary helped me understand this view when saying that masculinity is about physical appearance and the thoughts about one’s self as a man influenced by society , that yes sometimes men behave and dress like women but sometimes this is a result of society traits and stereotypes .

Finally , “Being a male is a matter of birth. Being a man is a matter of choice.” — Edwin Louis Cole

Miryam Sioufi

I found that the way men want to be open about their feelings to their friends, but they are afraid of being judged. But the fact that almost every single guy is thinking this, their attitude towards sharing their feelings is what is stopping them from getting what they want. This is especially so because they always add “no homo” when they do something that expresses their emotions (that aren’t anger or rudeness). Another point I found interesting in the documentary was how they relate all this avoidance to their misogyny and homophobia. Since women and homosexuals are people who express their feelings a lot more than men, men are in fact denouncing these people in their avoidance of expressing sentiment. I think these points caught my attention because I had never thought that men would actually want to express emotion since I thought, if they wanted to, they would. However, now I know that it is a social stigma if they do, and that’s why they don’t, even if they want to. I also did not relate this fact to the looking down on women and homosexual people, which I now find very understandable.

A part of the book that caught my attention was when Carlos found himself kissing his friend in his sleep as he was dreaming of his ex girlfriend. This documentary helps me better understand his experience since the documentary showed me that even saying kind words to your friend could be seen as gay, let alone any type of physical contact. This shows that Carlos’ friend, as described in the book, was a really great person and a great man who broke free of these norms. Carlos’ friend asked him after the fact if he wanted to talk about anything, saying he was open to whatever Carlos’ sexuality was, instead of immediately getting away from him.

One of the aspects from the documentary that stood out to me is how men are 7x more likely to commit suicide than women. It is senseless how we have these statistics that prove our society is not raising boys to be well-rounded adults yet nothing changes. Outdated ideas of masculinity should not be more important than the wellbeing and safety of our children. Another thing that I noticed was how the boys would be kicked out of their friend groups if they were to break the rules. Kids should be allowed to play how they want and with who they want. Enforcing the idea that femininity is a bad thing encourages rape culture and pressures boys to repress their emotions and change ignore the things they enjoy. This puts far too much pressure on young men and forces them to bottle up things they should be letting out.

Something that stood out to me from Carlos Andres Gomez‘s book was how he reacted to men showing each other affection in Zambia. The fact that men holding hands as friends was weird and uncomfortable to him demonstrates how being caring and emotional are not values that our society encourages for men. The story and documentary have shown me that men are encouraged to rid themselves of what makes them human, but in doing so they are repressing feelings that need to be let out which is leading to an excess of violence and mental illness in our society.

One of the things that jumped out to me in this documentary was the fact that men can get bullied just for showing any small emotion. Showing a facet of your real self that isn’t seen as manly can mean years of name-calling and bullying, especially in school. Something as small as playing with girls could mean rejection by boys because males are only supposed to play with other males. Even if this is in primary school, done between little kids, it shows a lot about the society we live in and the brainwashing people receive starting at an extremely small age about masculinity. Another thing in this movie that surprised me was the number of men that commit suicide. When someone gets help from suicide prevention, it is almost always a girl. Why? Because men are taught to keep their emotions in and not go and get help, from fear of getting bullied and seen as feminine. Unlike females, men become more aggressive and violent when depressed. Instead of taking this as a sign of depression, society just thinks the boy is a troublemaker and a bad kid. Because of this, depression is overseen and only 30% of boys try to get help. This causes a much higher rate of suicide in men than women, which surprises me.

In the book from Carlos Andres Gomez, the thing that caught my attention was how when he traveled to Zambia, two straight men were perfectly comfortable holding hands in public, without getting weird looks and being seen as gay. This is a big contrast to the way men had to act in the documentary in the US, where men distance each other and don’t show feelings to not look gay. This makes me think that the United States viewpoint on the way a man should be is much less advanced than in other countries such as Zambia in this case.

The documentary presented the gender norms and the need to fit in the box of “masculinity”. These two things at first sight don’t look to troublesome but by watching the documentary I was able to see the harmful way boys are raised. To me the idea of not letting the children do what they like or be who they are is quite horrible. The denial and constant disapproval of emotions such as fear, care, sadness leaves young buys with no room to breathe. It pushes them change who they are for this “persona” of the strong and happy guy, leaving behind what truly mattered to them.

The other thing that stuck out to me was the consequences of a high number of young men affected by depression and sadness. From the numbers we got, it was clear that ADHD, suspension and dropping school were significantly more likely to happen to boys than girls. It looks to me like they are sick, and yet society completely ignores this and continues to follow old ideas about what a man is.

In the book by Carlos Andres Gomez, the seeking of affection and connection between men is one of the main topics of the story. By watching the documentary, I think I am better able to understand what Carlos was going through. The Mask You Live In talked about the loss of connection that affects men and how the feeling of loneliness and sadness surrounds them. Because of this, men struggle to build deep relationships with family, friends, etc. 

“I can’t be myself,” is the phrase I hear most often when I watch this film. The film gave me the most significant feeling is that I found around the boyfriend also has the same trouble. He grew long hair but was often mistaken for a woman, which made him uncomfortable. Some common words often affect their brains and thoughts. They will start to think. Boys should not cry; boys should not feel afraid; boys should become active and productive, to bring happiness to the family. I can feel that this is not what they think, and society’s perception of men affects everyone. They often don’t feel who they are, and they can’t be themselves because they’re male.

Another point is that the slightest act of intimacy on the part of a boy is considered gay. For some men, being gay can have negative consequences. When they are mistaken for gay men, their first reaction is helplessness and dislike the word ‘gay.’ And the girl, I have a very good girlfriend, go to the toilet together, go to school together, hold hands and hug. We were also misunderstood as lesbian, but we were not uncomfortable with it, and we treated it as a joke, and it didn’t affect us at all. Genetic differences also influence behavior and thinking. So I think there are small differences between boys and girls at birth. But it shouldn’t be as deformed as it is.

In the book that Carlos Andres Gomez wrote that he often wanted to express his love for his family and friends, but he did not know how to express his true feelings. He was very disappointed. Because he often disguises his real thoughts, he does not know how to express them. This phenomenon, I also see from the film. Many men don’t know how to express themselves. They hide their feelings and weaknesses because “real men” don’t show weaknesses. This is not the kind of freedom that is advocated in today’s society, the views of the community always influence them, and that strikes me as deplorable.

The 2 aspects that really jumped out to from this documentary was the emotions that boys would hold in and the fact that they would get bullied based on their masculinity. They talked about how the would get judged if they show any sort of emotions when something would bother them because showing them would make themselves seem weak. In our society, boys are shown to be strong, be a “man” and emotionless, but it is proven that 90% of man experience pain. One of the boys in the documentary explained that he would cry himself to sleep since he had no one to talk to. He nearly killed himself and the only way to deal with his depression was with drugs. I honestly think it’s not fair as a female because it isn’t easy to hold in all the emotions and boys shouldn’t struggle with that feeling. The fact that they would get bullied is just unacceptable because the “victim” won’t be able to do anything about it but just “man up” and use violence to solve their problems.

In the book that Carlos Andres Gomez wrote that caught my attention was when he was trying to be with this girl he met to figure out his sexuality. I didn’t think that was a good idea because she also have feelings like another human. But what I liked about her is that she mentioned it and noticed that he wasn’t really into her. I feel like for us girls it’s easy to noticed those type of things because some guys just want you for different reasons, in my experience. They talked about it and the started to build a relationship to see how things would be which I find very interesting.